How To Handle Separation Anxiety

 
The first day of daycare and preschool drop off is an emotional time regardless if its the first day ever or starting a new school year. Our friend and parenting strategist + independent play expert Lizzie Assa MSEd, of The WorkSpace For Children, shared some tips for making the transition and separation anxiety a little easier. 

 

Five tips for helping ease separation anxiety:

1. Be honest. Do not sneak out. Even if it feels harder to stay, sneaking out only makes your child feel insecure. Show them that you can help them manage their emotions during the hard times as well as the easy, happy times.

2. Be confident. Our children take cues from us. From the time they are very small, our children reference us for feedback about new situations. Have confidence that your child can do hard things. Believing in them is more than half the battle. If you see their camp or school as a safe environment, they eventually will too. Acknowledge the uncomfortable feelings that your child is having, but stay calm and confident. Don’t be scared of their feelings or they will be too. Exude confidence in your child and their caregiver.

3. Tell your child where you will be. Give them an image in their mind (or for really little ones an actual picture of you) of where you will be. Example: While you are at school, I am going to go to the store to buy food for dinner, then I will drive to work and then I will have lunch. After that, it will be time for me to come and get you.

4. Allow tears and other uncomfortable emotions. Separation can be difficult and it is so important to acknowledge that. You might be embarrassed or uncomfortable that your kiddo is the only crier, but remember that expressing emotion is so healthy. Also, emotions show up in lots of ways, not just your typical teary eyes.

5.This too shall pass. I am currently IN IT, so I know how hard it is to believe. But, in his own time, your child will be ready to separate smoothly and so will you.

Five Language examples to adapt to your own needs:  

  • It felt to so hard to say goodbye to mommy yesterday. You cried and held me so tight. You are still learning that it’s okay to be away from me and that I will always come back.
  • It is okay to be scared and brave at the same time. Even though this feels tricky, I know you can do it.

  • Tomorrow, you will go to school again. What would help you feel better about saying goodbye? Would you like to keep a picture of me in your pocket or bring a lovey to cuddle?

  • Even if you cry, and even if you are worried, your teacher will still help you say goodbye to me. She will hold your hand and stay with you until you feel like playing.

  • When it is time to drop you off at school, I will stay for five minutes and then I’ll say goodbye. First we will find out the schedule for the day, then I’ll help you find your teacher, then I’ll kiss you three times and say goodbye.


From one mama to another, I truly hope this post helps you find some solace in the pain of separation anxiety. - Lizzie

 

About Lizzie Assa: "I am a parenting strategist, play advocate, and a mom of three creative kids. I am ANTI perfectionist-parenting and all about that growth mindset! I help parents avoid burnout by bringing back play. Parenting burnout is the worst, and it doesn’t have to be that way"

 

For the full article and more resources for back to school, pop over to The Workspace For Children 

Lizzie offers an incredible resource : A Parent's Handbook on Starting School, appropriate for ages 18m - 8 years. Lizzie offers a range of handbooks with simple, stress fee play prompts and support. We use them in our homes with our kids!

The Workspace For Children on Instagram

Lizze Assa MS Ed
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